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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22477285">river</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultramarine_citrus/pseuds/ultramarine_citrus'>ultramarine_citrus</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Comfort, Dysfunctional Family, Gen, Introspection, Near Death Experiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 11:42:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>913</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22477285</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultramarine_citrus/pseuds/ultramarine_citrus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Zuko still has a lot to think about on the night after they went back from the prison. Hakoda comforts him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>111</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>river</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sky is bright with stars scattered across the deep blue night. The group gathers around the campfire trading stories about how the rescue and prison break happened. Zuko can only smile because he doesn't want anyone to tell his side of story. Today is a rough day for him, seeing Mai sacrificing herself just make him feel more guilty. He knows very well how Azula would react and he only hopes for the best. </p><p>Also, today he almost died. If Sokka hadn't acted sooner, Zuko would have been boiled alive. That's not a very good way to die, right? If spirits were to take his life, he would request something less painful. Feeling fire on the left side of his face was painful enough and he wants to throw up already thinking of going through that again. </p><p>Thinking that stuff makes him not hungry anymore. So he gets up and go to the kitchen to do his dishes. He doesn't want to admit this to Uncle, but washing is calming. He loves doing his laundry and dishes. There's just a sense of calmness behind it especially when he feels more melancholic than usual. Maybe it is the feeling of doing something that has immediate results or the sound of water splashing the plates. </p><p>Speaking of water, it reminded him of happy memories of his childhood. He misses the vacation his family had in Ember Island when everything was not about competition. He misses the turtleduck pond at home when Mom was still around. Oh he doesn't really want to think about his mother now especially after knowing what really happened. What would Mom think about how Azula wouldn't care if she had to kill him? He doesn't want to answer that. He still has hopes to see his mother. Nut thinking about all those years in banishment, why his mother didn't look for him? Or maybe she's already dead and Ozai just wanted to toy with his feelings. Thinking about this stuff makes his heart aches. No kidding. He can feel that physically.</p><p>And tonight is colder than usual, even controlling his chi doesn't help much. He wants to laugh this off because this is so classic of him brooding under the moonlight thinking about how sad his life has become. He doesn't know what to do anymore. Really, he knows he has to help Aang restore balance to the world. But how? They are only children. He knows in his guts he is doing the right thing now, but why is it still so painful? Deep down in his heart especially when seeing Sokka and Katara reunited with his father, he just wanted a normal family. Why he can't have one? Oh wait, he had his uncle but he's so stupid not realizing it sooner. Stupid. Ugh. Can't he just start his life over? Maybe Mom wouldn't leave this time. Maybe Azula would not be so psycho. And maybe Dad would love, no, not love, but at least accept him for who he was. </p><p>He doesn't realize Hakoda is beside him carrying dirty plates. That means everyone had finished eating and gone to sleep.</p><p>"Get some sleep son, I do the rest" Hakoda pats his shoulder and smiles at him. It's still weird for him to see people smiling at him. Zuko tries to curve his mouth to form a smile, but probably ending up looking constipated. He needs to practice smiling without making it awkward.</p><p>"Thank you, Chief" Zuko places his plate to the cabinet to avoid more eye contact. He stacks the tea cups and put them in their place.</p><p>"I have not thanked you enough for bringing us out of the prison. So, once again, thank you, son. You have risked your life so many times to save us. I've never seen someone so selfless and brave. I'm really proud of you." Hakoda once again patted his shoulder, and this time he also hugs Zuko.</p><p>It has been so long since someone hugged him like they mean it. Not only that, Hakoda also gently stroked Zuko's hair. He finally returned the hug.</p><p>Zuko doesn't realize he has been crying. He has buried sadness deep inside of him and he's too afraid to feel it because it seems like it never ends. But after being tired of anger and confusion, he cannot contain it anymore. His father sees sadness as weakness. No matter how hard he tries to forget Ozai, he still remembers every condescending thing his father said to him. </p><p>Hakoda still keeps his embrace and waits until Zuko stops crying. </p><p>"You don't have to prove anything, you are enough. I'm sorry you've been through so many things in your life. You should be proud of yourself to come this far. Now, get some sleep. You deserve it." This time Hakoda patted his head and let go of the hug.</p><p>"Uh, I should go get some sleep now." Zuko fidgets with his fingers. "Thank you."</p><p>"Anytime, son" Hakoda smiles to him again.</p><p>He returns to the hall and sees everyone is already sleeping in the hall in their sleeping bag. </p><p>Momo stands across the room eating bugs and comes towards him. </p><p>"Oh hi Momo, you should be sleeping now." He then proceeds to give him berries from his pocket. Momo chirps and roams in his shoulder like a hawk. </p><p>He walks to his room and directly goes to bed. Momo lays down beside him. Tonight Zuko sleeps well.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi, this is my first time posting in AO3. If you spot any mistake, feel free to tell me in the comments because I am too tired to proof-read it.<br/>I've been feeling melancholic, so.... what's better than to put it into words? Also I have had this idea for a while that Zuko still had a lot in his mind to process especially after the prison break that Mai sacrificed herself for them and of course, Azula being Azula... Haha. And I think he was still adjusting after betraying his family and joining team avatar instead. He needed someone to comfort him</p></blockquote></div></div>
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